DVD: Whatever you do, don't order the Shia LaBeouf!

Ah, puns. The language of the Norse Gods. You don't even want to know how Thor got his name...

I would be embarrassed about naming this post with a pun about Shia LaBeouf, but I already used up all my shame for the next few years by actually googling how to spell his name. First week and Ive already blown my cover and everyone realizes I'm not a 14 year-old girl. Damn.

This week's DVD releases are a hodgepodge of cartoons, classic films, things that sound like porn, and McBeef- I mean, LaBeouf. See the complete list of this week's releases at DVD Journal. Now let's transform and roll out...

• 8 Simple Rules: Season One (3-disc set)

This deserves a brief mention solely because I demand a Congressional hearing on these rules no longer being applied to only teenage daughters. Have you no shame, Buena Vista Home Entertainment?! Now fathers across the world will have no clear direction to whom these rules should apply. Why, just imagine the chaos created when they force their dogs to return home by 11 while their daughters run amok through the night, holding up 7-11's and giving it up to former roadies for Night Ranger. Imagine, I tell you. For shame!

And now, the movies:

• After the Thin Man (1936)
• Another Thin Man (1939)
• Shadow of the Thin Man (1941)
• Song of the Thin Man (1947)
• The Thin Man Goes Home (1944)
• The Myrna Loy & William Powell Collection (5-disc set)

Two things that happen when Robert Osborne at Turner Classic Movies gets drunk around the office: 1. Sudden releases of tons of classic Loy/Powell movies, 2. More stories about being in the Navy that start with "And another thing to remember when stabbing a Chinaman..." Also, for those playing at home, the song of the Thin Man is not Der Kommissar by After the Fire.

• Are We Done Yet? (2007)
• Beneath (2007)

These are this week's random Movies That Sound Like Porn. And now that this cheap joke has been introduced, I can run it into the ground.

• Charro! (1969)
• Double Trouble (1967)
• Elvis: The Hollywood Collection (6-disc set)
• Elvis: That's the Way It Is: Special Edition (1970)
• Girl Happy (1965)
• Harum Scarum (1965)
• It Happened at the World's Fair (1963)
• Jailhouse Rock: Deluxe Edition (1957)
• Kissin' Cousins (1964)
• Live a Little, Love a Little (1967)
• Speedway (1968)
• Stay Away, Joe (1968)
• This Is Elvis: Special Edition (1981)
• The Trouble With Girls (1969)
• Tickle Me (1965)
• Viva Las Vegas: Deluxe Edition (1964)

That's a honkin' big spoonful of Elvis there. I will also note how many of those vaguely sound like porn, especially Charro! What can I say, I always enjoyed the Love Boat. Coochie-coochie...

• Montana Sky (2007)
• The French Connection Boxset (3-disc set)
• The Fly Collection (2-disc set)
• Invasion of the Body Snatchers: Special Edition (2-disc set) (1978)

Donald Sutherland just needs a hug.

• Crime Story (Zhong an zu) (1993)
• Disturbia (2007)

Gentlemen, we have LaBeouf. We have LaBeauf.

• God Grew Tired of Us: The Story of Lost Boys of Sudan (2006)
• Flash Gordon: Saviour of the Universe Edition (1980)

What's that I hear? The sound of Queen's Flash Gordon them song? Shh, you can almost hear it. The sound of AWESOME.

• TMNT (2007)
• Unaccompanied Minors (2007)

This movie didn't do any business (I never saw it), but it's written and directed by the ridiculously funny Paul Feig, who wrote two hilarious books about his life (seriously, read Kick Me or Superstud and try not to laugh in sheer horror) and was one of the creators of Freaks and Geeks. Might be worth a look-see.

And now, something for the kids, tweens, teens, and creepy guys in trenchcoats:

• Cory in the House: All Star Edition
• The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Sweet Suite Victory
• Jay Jay's Wing Wigglin' Mystery
• Nick Jr. Favorites: Vol. 6
• Teletubbies 10: Time to Dance

And now, as always, I finish up with the all the TV shows making your way on shiny discs (sure, it's my first real post, but there's no tradition like a new tradition!):

• Darkwing Duck: Vol. Two (3-disc set)
• The Dresden Files: Season One (3-disc set)

Quick, a cancelled show with a cult following: To the post office! Surely your annoying packages can bring it back! It totally worked, like, twice!

• Full House: Season Seven (4-disc set)
• The Hills: Season Two
• Home Improvement: Season Seven (3-disc set)
• The Muppet Show: Season Two (4-disc set)
• My Hero: Season Two
• Rome: Season Two (5-disc set)
• Roseanne: Season Eight
• The Simpsons: Season Ten (4-disc set)

Look at Bart. He's watching you. Yes, even when you do THAT. You know what I mean. Filthy.

• Soul Food The Series: Season Two
• Super Friends: The Legendary Super Powers Show: The Complete Series (2-disc set)
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Season Five
• The Tick vs. Season Two (2-disc set)

Spooooooooooonnnn!!!!

And that's all she wrote. What do you think about this week's releases?

This message will probably delete itself in 5 seconds (when I think of something better)...

So, here we are. Well played, Blogger.

Ahem. This is a blog where I list the things you can buy this week and make fun of them. And you. You're the one with all the disposable income, I figure you can take it.

The point of all of this is that you own a lot of stuff, but you could always use more. Each week, literally thousands of perfectly good useless products make it on to the shelves (you know you deserve that Grip-N-Flip 6-in-1 Kitchen Utensil Set) and who can keep track of all that?

I'm here to help.

Every day (well, a few times a week at first- let's keep this realistic) I'll post a list of stuff coming out this week, each in its own category. The categories will be something like:

DVDs
CDs
Comics
Books
Video Games
Movies

At some point, I hope to assign a day to each one of those so, like the swallows returning to Capistrano or Madonna adopting orphans, you can set your life to it. But I'll settle in and see what fits where and when first.

Oh, you may also notice Amazon links and some ads here and there. Nothing big, but if you see something you like, feel free to click on through and explore. This whole blog is for me to vent my snark, so no pressure, but I like to sometimes buy stuff, too. Like most American's my needs are simply a patch of land of my own, a huge SUV that is an affront to all things Holy, and a copy of Soft Rock Classics - the only 70's rock collection officially sanctioned by Air Supply. I'm a simple man with simple needs.

So let's get going. Like I said, I'll be starting off slow and unsteadily at first, like a drunk freshman after his first kegger, but hope to graduate soon to rocking your socks off, like a drunk senior after beating up a freshman at his first kegger.

Let's start this thing, shall we?